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05.12.2004 6:48 p.m. i may have not been what you all wanted me to be but at least when i had scratches all down my arms and stomach, i was at least someone who felt something. i've now turned into just another face who walks around a city but never feels anything. i don't get mad, i don't get upset, and i don't get happy. its just all emptiness. i just want to feel something again. i may have been angry and sad all the time, but at least those feelings reminded me that i'm still alive. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING ANYMORE? i feel like i'm on autopilot and everything isn't real. i feel like everything is passing by me and people talk to me, but i have nothing to say back because, in all truth, i didn't really hear what they said. MY MIND IS SOMEWHERE ELSE. ... so i sit back and just breathe. the panic and confusion and the breakout of a million emotions all at once is over. my heart stops beating so fast and i think clearly again. it was just a moment and i just got caught up in it. i'm still ok. i'm still surviving and still wanting to live. I'M WINNING THIS BATTLE AND I WILL WIN AT THE END. |
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strawberry gashes that never disappear |
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